Having Myself a Big and Rich Time

Crash: Here I am again with “Big” Kenny Alphin and John Rich of the Country duo “Big and Rich” and founders of the “Muzik Mafia”. Welcome, Gentleman.


BK: Well, we’re damn sure glad to be here.

JR: Yeah man, thanks for having us in today. What’s up with that hat?

Crash: It’s not a hat, it’s a beret.

JR: Well what’s up with that beret?

Crash: Oh, I’m French, that’s why I wear a beret.

JR: (laughing) You ain’t French, you don’t even sound French.

Crash: Believe me, I’m French and the beret proves it.

BK: (laughing) Man, you are one crazy S-O-B, but just because you put on a hat don’t make you something you’re not.

Crash: Touche. Alright, let’s get started and learn a little more about the force that is “Big and Rich”. John, we’ll start with you. So you were in the band “Lonestar” is that correct?



JR: Yes, for about five years.

Crash: Until they fired you.

JR: Well, yeah, we decided it would be best if I went solo.

Crash: And you mean “we” decided, you mean they told you that they wanted you out of the band?

JR: Something like that.

Kenny loves America

Crash: And Kenny, you weren’t doing anything at the time, correct?

BK: I was recording and writing.

Crash: But before that you were with Hollywood Records but they dropped you before releasing your first album.

BK: Yeah.

Crash: So, the both of you met at a club right.

JR: I was dating this girl and she wanted me to see Kenny. I wasn’t too excited because I didn’t want to see a man play who called himself “Big Kenny” but you know what guys will do to get laid so I went.

Crash: And then what happened?

JR: Well, Kenny had this thing where he thought the crowd should always be able to leave his shows with something so he decided that night to throw out bubble gum to the crowd, and I turned for a second and looked back and a gum ball hit me square between the eyes. Later on, we met and decided that we should get together.

Crash: So then you started recording?

BK: Not exactly, we couldn’t catch a break in Nashville so we started to take some song writing seminars and try to hone our skills.

Crash: That’s pretty much how all of the greats started from what I hear. So let me get this straight...You got kicked out of a crappy band and you got dropped from your label because you weren’t very good and then you thought that it was a good idea to take two crappy acts, one that you, John, thought was silly because he threw out candy at a show and his name was horrible, and put them together still using the name “Big Kenny” even though you thought it was horrible? Then you went and took a class on writing country music hoping that would make you a commodity in the music community?

Two toned jeans, hotdog and ketchup, by an Xterra
spells A-W-E-S-O-M-E

JR: I wouldn’t exactly put it THAT way.

Crash: How exactly would you put it?

JR: It just took us a while to find our “niche”. You know...our “style”

Crash: O.K. Let’s get to that. Tell me about your “style”.

BK: Well we know that Country is our bread and butter, so...

Crash: Wait, your what?

BK: Our bread and butter.

Crash: Oh, I call it a baguette. Sorry, proceed.

BK: Well we take elements from Rock ‘n Roll, R&B, and Rap. We even have a 6 foot 5 black guy rapping for us...Cowboy Troy.

Crash: Man, that is just as country as it gets right there. So let me try to wrap my brain around all of this. You dress up, one of you in all black and a cowboy hat and the other like a broke down version of David Lee Roth’s retarded brother in a top hat, and you bring out a black dude in a big hat and buckle and he raps country style?

We put the rap in "crap"

JR: Yeah we call it “Hick-Hop”

(Both laugh)

Crash: Wow...country rap. If that doesn’t stick, I have a great name. “Crap”. Get it, “Crap”. Country-Rap.

BK: I think we’ll stick with “Hick-Hop”

Crash: Before we get to your earth shattering lyrics, I want to hear some of Cowboy Troy.

I got my look from Cowboy Curtis

Dum-diggity-dum, diggity -diggity-dum, dig this

Slicker than the grease from a barbecue brisket

Got more chunk than a fresh potato salad

You thought you had your answer but your answer was invalid

You’re lookin' at me crazy 'cause you think I'm loco

The Big Black Cowboy with the crazy vocal

Todas las personas estan gritando arriva

Now you heard it, now I know you're a believer

Esta cancion es para toda la gente

Es muy importante a usar su mente

So let go of all your preconceived notions

Get up on your feet and put your body in motion

‘Cause back home we love to dance

We could be two steppin’ or ravin’ to trance

And when the party is “crunk” the girls back it up

We’ve got the systems in the cars and the 20’s on the trucks

6’4” with a cowboy hat

I don’t mess around, yo! What’s up with that?

I’m Cowboy Troy, a Texas hick!

And i'm rollin’ with the “brothas” Big & Rich!

Go cowboy Go cowboy, go (Go cowboy Go cowboy, go)

Go cowboy Go cowboy, go (Go cowboy Go cowboy, go)

See Big and Rich live ft Cowboy Troy

Crash: Amazing. Truly amazing.

BK: Yeah, it’s pretty cool to see him up on stage.

Crash: No, I mean that is one shameless gimmick if I have ever seen one.

Crash: Then you go on in “Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)”

Well, I walk into the room

Passing out hundred dollar bills

And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill

And I buy the bar a double round of crown

And everybody's getting down

An' this town ain't never gonna be the same.

Crash: And later in the song you say:

So I took her out giggin frogs

Introduced her to my old bird dog

And sang her every Wilie Nelson song I could think of

And we made love

Crash: You really got your money’s worth at those seminars. Could y’all have picked any three more random yet gratuitous things besides frog giggin’, Willie, or a bird dog?

JR: Well, out of context they don’t make much sense. You gotta listen to an entire song.

Crash: Honestly, I can’t make it through one of them in its entirety. Your lyrics don’t really tell a story; they are more like pointless drivel. I get what you are trying to do and I don’t blame you. Both of you were failed musicians and found a niche; more power to you, but don’t call yourselves Country Outlaws and don’t try to tell me that you are revolutionizing the music industry by bringing genres together. That shit has been done forever and it’s not to bridge gaps and promote racial harmony. It’s trying to expand a market to reach more wallets, plain and simple. The music industry is hurting and they are trying to milk you guys for everything that you got. So you can pose next to all of the pickup trucks you want in cowboy hats, mention John Wayne and Willie Nelson all you want, and even name one of your albums after a Hank Jr. song, but you’re the adult equivalent of a boy band. You had people dress you and come up with a persona that would sell albums and that, my friends, is the #1 reason that y’all are not outlaws. So if you don’t mind, it’s time for my afternoon croissant and I’m getting nauseous listening to your stock answers that a publicist wrote for you. Au Revoir.

JR: Man, you d...

Crash: I SAID AU REVOIR, SIR!!!!

BK: Whatever man, we’re out of here.