RCS Interview with Blake Shelton

Outlaw Pose

Crash: Here I am with, and I can’t believe I am saying this…Country Star Blake Shelton.


BS: Hey man, thanks for having me and man, it aint no big deal interviewing me.


Crash: (laughing) No, I’m not saying that I can’t believe I am interviewing you. I can’t believe that you are a country star.


BS: (laughing) Well, sometimes I can’t believe it either.


Crash: O.K. I really don’t want to waste anymore of my time so let’s get started. You take a chance in your new top 40 single about a large social issue going on right now. Were you trying to make a political statement with “Hillbilly Bone”?

Pure Country Androgyny

BS: Crash, everything that I do is for fun. If it feels good to me, then I go for it and never apologize. You know what I mean?  I’m not sure where you got political stuff out of that song but I guess that’s what makes my music different…it means so many different things to so many different people.


Crash: Your song, “Hillbilly Bone”, starts off like any old crappy song that they play on country radio today with the gratuitous mentioning of a country great such as Conway Twitty and then you throw in trite southern reference like “grits and greens” because that is the formula nowadays to get any retard to listen to a country song, and then you compare dancing to farm animal’s disgusting habits, but then you get to the heart of the matter…the “Hillbilly Bone”.


BS: Hell Yeah…I love that Hillbilly Bone.


Crash: I’m sure that you have had a Hillbilly Bone or two a few times in your life.

BS: To say the least.

Crash: Now, I assume, Blake, that since you just spout off any old thing that you assume all “southern” folk agree with that you are a republican?

BS: I am American by birth and Southern by the grace of God.

Crash: Yes, I have seen that bumper sticker too, but am I wrong to assume that you are a conservative?

BS: I love Jr, huntin’, dip, and tractors.

Crash: Are you just naming shit? Just tell me who you voted for.

BS: My Daddy fought in Vietnam.

Crash: Ok fucktard, I was going to compliment you for being so progressive but this is like pulling teeth.

WTF is going on in this Pic?

BS: Merle Haggard.

Crash: Are you autistic? Let me just read some of these lyrics so everyone can understand what you are trying to say in this “anthem”

When you see them pretty little country “queens”

Man you gotta admit that's in them genes

Ain't nothing wrong, just getting on your

hillbilly bone-ba-bone-ba-bone-bone

Mysterious Look

Crash: These are pretty progressive lyrics for a staunch right winger.

BS: I don’t even know what you are talking about, but Hell Mother Fuckin Yeah!

Crash: Well, basically, you are saying that it is “nature” and not “nurture”. Not many singers coming out of Nashville are singing about the country “queens”.

BS: What can I say? I love all those pretty little “queens” and they love my “Hillbilly Bone” if you know what I mean?

Crash: I know exactly what you mean and I believe that’s the point that I’m trying to make, but I bet that you like the like the “bone” just as much as they do?

BS: Guilty!!! Just like the lyrics say…”ain’t nothing wrong, just gettin on that hillbilly bone”

Crash: Then you go on to say:

All you need is an open mind

If it fires you up you gotta let it shine

When it feels so right that it can’t be wrong

Come on, come on, come on

Crash: It’s just really hard for me to picture you being that open minded and to have the courage to say, “Hey, it feels good so I’m gonna do it”.

BS: Well, I’m a really deep guy. I’ve got all these complex layers and that’s what I try to express in my songs.

Crash: Not really. You are pretty much they typical country…I’m not even going to call this country. It really is a shame what you call and what passes off as “country” music, but you are the typical recording label puppet that is just spewing every southern cliché that you can, hoping that if you name enough things that at least one of them will have some sort of meaning to the listener. Here is a prime example:

Well, I love Turkey calls, overalls, Wrangler jeans

Smoke nothin' but Marlboro reds

Tattoos up & down my arms,

And deer heads over my bed.

Crash: and how can we forget the ever-so-powerful lyrics:

Well I'm a front-porch sittin',

Guitar pickin', moonshine sippin',

Backer juice spittin' country boy from the woods

And I love fried chicken & blue gill fishin'

BS: (Sounding angry) So, what’s wrong with those lyrics? I’m proud of where I come from.

Crash: You recorded a song with “Backer” referring to tobacco in the lyrics. If you were so proud of your heritage, you wouldn’t whore it out like that.

BS: Fuck you man!! You don’t know me. This interview is over.

Crash: But Blake…we haven’t even gotten to any other of your “hits”. (Yelling louder as BS is walking out of the door) And by the way, Blake, down here they’re called Bream.